Ups and Downs

There has been so many things happenin...i have no idea what the hell is goin on...what am i doin wif my life??? all i noe is to not fully trust anione....but i have fallen into that trap again...it is true..love makes you a blinded fool...love is nuthin but a lie...life is relli a stage in which i hafta keep acting and it is tiring mi out...i wanna take my revenge on the fucker who caused my fren to lose his life...i wanna love and pamper the one i like...to protect him i agreed to be sumone else's gf...why am i sacrificing myself so much? i am lost once again...is it so hard for mi to find sumone who can just simply spend time wif mi and just talk to mi? that is all i ask for...i do not want material things...money can be earned anywhere and everywhere...qian shi wan neng de bu shi quan neng de..with money you can do many things but you can never buy love. I feel so betrayed and used...but what do i noe? i wanna cut myself off from everything and everyone...but i am scared to be alone...i just wanna be numb and live life simply...I wanna be truly happy not acting happy when i feel like shit inside. can anione actually save me? can anyone actually help me? so now i am technically attached to someone i dun even like...not that i dun like him but i just dun have that kinda feelin for him...is just so i can save the one i like from sumthing...seriously i can be such a fool...so my ex is now married...i am talkin to his wife on msn...i am plotting my revenge...so many things so little time...i dun want my ex no more cos i found out more things...why can;t i just have the one i love? i dun care if he cannot support me...is ok...i just want that feeling back...the feeling i took so long to find...i am there to console everyone...but is anyone there for mi? all they care abt is their own life...their bfs...whatever they wanna do...i thot for a moment my heart of stone has finally soften to have feelings but guess it has gone hard again...emotionless...it will oni soften for one person...i hafta stay strong for everyone...i cannot be weak at all...but i am human too...i am so drained...so tired...not physically...but emotionally and mentally...i need to just forget everythin if possible...lemme lead my life in peace...