Lying alone in my bed thinking...

Just lying here and thinking...i am a changed person...i no longer believe in a love...a part of mi has been lost..all i can think of is my career..my licence...i lost a few of my frens along the way...it is all different...i feel so numb...that empty hollow feeling is so blardy annoying it kills mi at times...no one to hold on to..no way of feelin loved...it all feels like a staged act..even goin to mambo...the happiness oni lasts for that few hours and i am back to my lonely world...in front of others i appear to be happy and carefree but i am all torn up inside..my heart is not where it used to be..or at least i dun feel so...lookin at myself in the mirror...i dun even noe who i am..i dun recognise that apparently happy person...it is all a facade..so fake...who am i really...i need to find the real mi...i have crushes on people...little happiness comes from that...just to take up my time and the empty spaces in my mind...this sounds like a stupid entry but i just gotta let some things out before i explode...how can i not think about the one i truly loved? even though i hate him so much...it was love..true love and romance...no one noes what goes on behind besides mi...he'll alwez have a place in my heart..sometimes i wish i could have him in my arms once again...but i noe it is impossible so i hafta move on.....

Quoted from songs: "I was dying inside to hold you..." "I know I'll never love this way again..."