Movies and the actual world

it has been a great day hanging out with Nicole and Meera...We were at liquid kitchen just chillin and talkin abt stuff...amazing how we used to talk about innocent topics like dolls..to fashion and then to the thngs we talk about today...or rather these days...I am so happy for them...being happily attached and being with the one they love...I am happy that i have regained my freedom..but the emptiness would not go away..reaching home...watching The 40 year old virgin...it actually got me thinking...what the hell am i doin with my life...???? Yes i wanna build up my career but havin no one by my side to enjoy it with kinda sucks... Being interested in the film industry...i know that movies are actually directors ways of putting a message across and this time i think i actually got the message despite it bein a comedy. I have lost kuite a bit these past 3 years and have gain some...but it kinda hurts when sit down to think about it. My ex was the one i truly loved and I wanna get that feelin back again but it seems to be lost...i seem to have lost my ability to feel. All i can feel is xtreme pain and xtreme happiness but nuthin in between..i wanna settle down but with whom? and when? maybe 50 years from now?? i dun relli know. Thinkin about gettin back with him is impossible..he is not the person i once knew..full body tattoos...no way...havin cheated on mi...i might take it but the trust just ain't there...it is over... i miss everythin that was once love...but guess those t 3 years was my time and now it is over. Guess it is back to work and friends...that is all i have left and that might be all the love i have left to give... it was a real emotional setback... it is not becos of it or anythin else but maybe to save myself from crap again i have finally chosen my path... i have to make a decision...Meera and Nicole...I am sorry...but i had to choose this path...you noe what it is... ain't gonna be str8 no more... gonna go back to bein a les...

Happy for you two... thanks for sorta helpin mi sort things out...Love ya