Just thinking

Meera was supposed to come over today but she couldn't make it...we talked on the phone though...real happe for her...Mick is comin over in about a week's time. Spent some time just thinking about my life. I realise that whatever i had been through has made me a stronger person and it has helped me to help others. The betrayal...The emotional and physical scars that i have collected along the way which time has not healed it much. Even though it was a painful ordeal...it was worth it...sometimes i just hafta learn things the hard way.

Altho i am now like a bird which has been released from it's cage...i am now like a stray puppy...i m a wild dog in search for love and security...i do not have a collar like all tamed ones...i can feel the love and care...but i dun like to be strangled...dun try to put a rope round my neck without a collar...it just strangles me and i will tend to fight back...instead of being thankful...i might actually attack...the past 3 months have been great...but i think it is time i settled down...dun wanna be so wild no more...the attention is great...but i m tired...i dunno why or from what...but i m just so tired...I have so many people around mi...but the loneliness and emptiness i feel will never go away...

Nic, Meera and Zhi...i noe you are gonna kill me...but i hafta say that no matter how much that bastard has hurt mi...i still love him...it is just a feelin no one would ever understand...it was wif him that i felt safe..i dunno y...but i noe it is impossible btw us..as you know what he has done to himself...will i ever find that feelin again? or will i just live for the sake of living so as not to disappoint my frens and family...to love and not be loved? why the hell am i so emo tonite? weird...but i suppose some things can only be written and not said out loud.