Lamp Post of the week...MOI!!! LOL

With regards to the title..yes i was a lamp post, and considerably playing gooseberry...not a very nice role to play...tuesday...met up with meera n nic n her bf... shopped a lil...got my leather wrist thingy n a belt...love 'em...then went to balcony....nice place...comfortable...a place to laze...jay and nic make a cute couple...while meera was counting down to the time mick was gonna arrive in singapore...well at least i had meera for company...nic and jay then left at 6 and meera and i were left to do whateva we wanted to do...we walked ard for a bit and then called it a day as we were meeting the following day. The next day i met up with meera and her loverboy at balcony again...feeling like super big and bright lamp post but it was ok...besides the fact that i was trying just close my eyes a while so that they could be lovey dovey...waiting for nic to come as jay was supposedly goin back to camp...when she came, i wanted to die cos now i was a big big bright bright lamp post with 2 love birds...felt damn lonely man..but oh well..i will survive...we had dinner and then left for mick's hotel...we bummed for a while...i slept...and then we headed to zouk...mambo night...damn it was damn empty due to the rain but fun all the same...had fun wif mick and meera luffin...glad they enjoyed themselves...thursday, stayed at home to bake and chatted wif meera on the fone...friday was another day of baking...saturday came...met up wif meera, mick and alden for dinner at thai express and then headed for ONE at one fullerton...place was not bad...nice music...good company..but sumthin was just not right...din feel the groove altho i was dancing wif a new fren i made there...Janna..she was nice...after that headed home for a good rest...Don called..she was worried..but oh well..felt bad that i din go and meet her even tho i was out...sunday was baking day...mon i had an interview at the zoo an got to carry a baby monke...so cute...fell aslp in my arms..well..chatted wif an online fren..Deron...real nice guy..we shared a lot of things and we had a lot of things in common..sweet guy too...hopefully we'll meet up soon...haiz...so many pple to meet up man...Arnold was msnin mi abt meetin up too and i hafta catch up with Janson soon...a special fren...chatted again wif Deron til now and have a lot of things planned for the week...no mambo though...Science centre with mum's class tmr..better catch a few ZZZzzzs... nitez...sweet dreams to all

On the road to recovery

Haven't been bloggin these few days...feelin sick and terribly drained....din go for mambo..instead i actually stayed at home and went for interviews in the afternoon...so sian man...some shigt advertising thing..well it sounded interestin so i decided to just give it a shot and the other was some recruit express thingy. then went home to crash before goin for two driving lessons starting from 6.55...tiring man...as good as driving to malacca...3 hours str8...with a 15 min break in between...thank goodness i decided not to go for mambo...my legs were like jelly at the end of the day.

Thursday i had to go for some short training...then i went to amoy st to have lunch with meera and her colleague...when they were leaving...i met another fren by chance and we went for coffee...then i went to town to meet another fren...walked around for a bit and then met meera again for dinner...we went o sakae as per normal...and we had our usual dishes...only person missing was nicole:( so sad...poor gal was workin. oh well...we will go together again one day...meera was freakin out la...but we settled everything...

Friday was hell la...went to work and it sucked...i left halfway and went wif this gal i just met to far east...in hopes of finding a part time job there...can die la..we hung out for a while before i left for home. Meera calls mi in the middle of the nite freaking out again...had to reassure her before she could head to bed. Was so busy wif the phone man..after her call..another fren called to ask mi to go over to his place in the morn...an then another fren called ard 3+ am...man i was busy...but i watched maid in manhattan and it was sooo sweet....

Saturday...today...was suppose to work but told them that i am on mc..LOL...what an embarrassing job la..would rather work at a pub in geylang anytime...that is how bad it is...went to find my fren at his place and then went to town to meet meera for lunch and did a lil shoppin wif her...she got some stuff from topshop while i was trying this dress which was nice but looked real cheap..so decided not to get it...

Hmm what shall i do tmr...besides lazin ard...oh yeah...meera's boy is comin...so excited...first time we all get to meet the person who has been keepin our fren away from us...and the person who is the cause of her whining...ahahaha...oh well...he'll be here on tuesday... gonna go relax for a bit and continue tmr...

Phrase of the week: Black and gay

Cheerios

Movies and the actual world

it has been a great day hanging out with Nicole and Meera...We were at liquid kitchen just chillin and talkin abt stuff...amazing how we used to talk about innocent topics like dolls..to fashion and then to the thngs we talk about today...or rather these days...I am so happy for them...being happily attached and being with the one they love...I am happy that i have regained my freedom..but the emptiness would not go away..reaching home...watching The 40 year old virgin...it actually got me thinking...what the hell am i doin with my life...???? Yes i wanna build up my career but havin no one by my side to enjoy it with kinda sucks... Being interested in the film industry...i know that movies are actually directors ways of putting a message across and this time i think i actually got the message despite it bein a comedy. I have lost kuite a bit these past 3 years and have gain some...but it kinda hurts when sit down to think about it. My ex was the one i truly loved and I wanna get that feelin back again but it seems to be lost...i seem to have lost my ability to feel. All i can feel is xtreme pain and xtreme happiness but nuthin in between..i wanna settle down but with whom? and when? maybe 50 years from now?? i dun relli know. Thinkin about gettin back with him is impossible..he is not the person i once knew..full body tattoos...no way...havin cheated on mi...i might take it but the trust just ain't there...it is over... i miss everythin that was once love...but guess those t 3 years was my time and now it is over. Guess it is back to work and friends...that is all i have left and that might be all the love i have left to give... it was a real emotional setback... it is not becos of it or anythin else but maybe to save myself from crap again i have finally chosen my path... i have to make a decision...Meera and Nicole...I am sorry...but i had to choose this path...you noe what it is... ain't gonna be str8 no more... gonna go back to bein a les...

Happy for you two... thanks for sorta helpin mi sort things out...Love ya

Just thinking

Meera was supposed to come over today but she couldn't make it...we talked on the phone though...real happe for her...Mick is comin over in about a week's time. Spent some time just thinking about my life. I realise that whatever i had been through has made me a stronger person and it has helped me to help others. The betrayal...The emotional and physical scars that i have collected along the way which time has not healed it much. Even though it was a painful ordeal...it was worth it...sometimes i just hafta learn things the hard way.

Altho i am now like a bird which has been released from it's cage...i am now like a stray puppy...i m a wild dog in search for love and security...i do not have a collar like all tamed ones...i can feel the love and care...but i dun like to be strangled...dun try to put a rope round my neck without a collar...it just strangles me and i will tend to fight back...instead of being thankful...i might actually attack...the past 3 months have been great...but i think it is time i settled down...dun wanna be so wild no more...the attention is great...but i m tired...i dunno why or from what...but i m just so tired...I have so many people around mi...but the loneliness and emptiness i feel will never go away...

Nic, Meera and Zhi...i noe you are gonna kill me...but i hafta say that no matter how much that bastard has hurt mi...i still love him...it is just a feelin no one would ever understand...it was wif him that i felt safe..i dunno y...but i noe it is impossible btw us..as you know what he has done to himself...will i ever find that feelin again? or will i just live for the sake of living so as not to disappoint my frens and family...to love and not be loved? why the hell am i so emo tonite? weird...but i suppose some things can only be written and not said out loud.

Start of a new year...

HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone... it is finally 2006...we can forget all the bad things that have happened in the past year and start on a clean slate. A few good things have happened in 2005 leading to 2006...and i am pretty happy they happened. A few people have entered my life..some re-entries and one major good-bye. NYE was awesome...went to mambo jambo at the expo for countdown with one of my very good frens...also known as my sis...Nicole and her bf Jay...and a few friends like Kes, Dawei, Eric and Kevin. Nicole's cousin and his gf was there too..small world...she was MY cousin's ex gf...glad she found a better guy altho he happens to have the same name..heehee. Too bad Meera had to attend a dinner and she is not that fond of mambo...will make it up to her by spending more time with her...andher bf when he comes...Reading whateva i just wrote...everyone seems to be attached but mi...hmm..of well..enjoying my new found freedom after being caged up like a bird for the past 3 years. Well it has been an eventful December 2005 and i had better get my butt down to do more work and clinch more deals...New Year's Resolution...will be these few bah...

1) Spend more time with friends
2) Spend more time with family
3) Save more money
4) Keep my room neat
5) Smoke less
6) Control my temper
7) Clinch more deals and keep the money rollin in

That's abt it til i think of more...Loving all who are in my life now...esp Nic and Meera...Hugz and Kisses...