Wednesday, November 29, 2006

LOST

i have reached a point in my life where i dun seem to know what i am doing or where i am going. I seem to be so lost. i seem to have lost my aim, my goal, my focus. my plan was to make money and make it big and start slowing down by 40. but i guess i have to push my plans back. it seems as though everything has been taken away from me. my friends...who do i have left? meera, nicole, wilson, james(apparent bf), michael, amos and nicholas. But how long will they be there for me? it has been a while since i blogged and many things have happened. I have been played out god knows how many times by my own frens. I thank god that michael and wilson were there to support me all the way. michael alwez came with the soft approach and wilson was alwez harsh. now who is wilson? well he was a crush of mine for 4 years and we happen to get along pretty well...hurt him a few times by not trusting him and not heeding his advice and i am relli sorry i did not do as you advised me to. i was down and out and we do not noe each other for very long but why did you stand by me all the way...why did you not run when i told you i liked you? well whatever it is i thank god you stood by me to hit me with the harsh facts of reality. Michael...his joking ways...but he is alwez there to lend a listening ear...thanks...Nicole, my sweet baby sister...i have not told you a lot of things and i noe you have been disappointed with me for kuite a few things. I am sorry and i told you i quit. The reason why i have not been confiding in you is cos i noe you have your own problems at hand. life has not been fair to you either. I am glad you are with sumone you love. treasure him alrite? loving means you have to give in most of the time. if you are reading this...i do hope that you can spare some time for me as at this point of time i really need you and meera. Amos and Nicholas are barely there for me but i know if i relli need them...i will be able to find them...Meera is so far away and she will be back soon...i need you both my very good frens. i am already at my weakest i am almost losing my will to live. i dunno what on earth i am living for. it seems like i have seen too much in such little time. in a few months time i might be leaving for canada and i dunno when i will be back. will the distance make me lose my close frens? i am so scared of everything that is about to come...on the verge of breaking down already. can someone please guide me... i am losing it...i am losing myself...i need to find me back... how i can do that...i do not know yet...maybe i need some time by myself.